Succumbing to Diluted Shadows

I wonder just how much of my life
Is just in my head
Random thoughts scratch across my brain
Just enough to make me feel uncomfortable
Like I'm wading through the mud
In shoes that grow heavier with every step
And it's raining
Not spinkling or drizzling or misting
It's a torrential rain that slams down on my head
Each drop stinging my skin
As if god is up to her old tricks
Intent on torturing her creations
Because she knows they can't do anything about it anyway
And I stumble through the storm, drenched
Unsurprised
Nothing really ever seems to go my way
And I see faces reflect the opposite of what I'd call
An appropriate response
Ignorant to the wounds they inflict on my tattered soul
I'm choking on all the negativity
Swirling around the room like a swarm of bees
Each sting a little closer
To the one that'll do me in
Excitement waxes and wanes, as does the fear
That all of this is just made up
And I'm the only one intent
On torturing myself