Trapped in my Head

I'm stuck between a rock
and that dark place
where I always get what I want
At least, perhaps, in the evolutionary sense
Running through overgrown fields
With no desire but
to spread my seed throughout
Trampling over hearts
Until my feet are covered in blood
And smooth muscle rushes between my toes
with so many faint heartbeats I feel right at home
Standing in the center of the room
Spotlight on a bare spot on the stage
And I'm just beside it
waiting for that perfect opportunity
I'd jump in sooner if all those voices
Knocking about my head
Would quiet long enough
to let my own heart speak
Stagefright, a thing of the past
But all of this is just going so fast
And I have no choice but to panic
and try lighting a candle in the dark

Schrödinger's Chronometer

A watch with too many hands
Can never tell you anything
Except that the time has passed
For more cordial interactions
And a stoic glance greets the world
With tight-lipped hatred
Seething through stone-set bits of flesh
Like condensation racing down the grooves of a glass
Threatening to decapitate each passing body
The universe capitulates
To an overextended circumstance
Where the well guarded facade
Held in place with self-imposed chains
Will lose control of violent extremities
And set about dismantling the appearance
Of something larger than self
Shiny silver badges flash like disco lights
On a crowded dance floor
Where every one is doing the "hurry the fuck up"
Sprawled out on a sea of flesh
Stretched tight in plastic contraptions
All updated for even more convenience
In an ever increasingly chaotic model
Molded in the artificial dens
Of men with pockets so deep
They drain the Amazon
Every time they reach for change
And the ignorant fool-hearted propagators
Stalk the aisles with sick surety, pacing
And panic emerges, in the natural form
Of predator vs prey
But the only choice is flight or oppression
Aggression or rejection
A sick smile sweeps over the sanity-deprived
Whose tan lines betray them
As to their true intentions
And another riot breaks out
But flailing limbs on blank faces
Will leave no marks worth mentioning
Because so much as time heals all wounds
No time means no wounds
And absolutely nothing to worry about
Even in a ticking sea of faces
Steady keeping the beat
Of the so-called countdown of their lives

Screaming in Silence

My tongue blisters
With all the words I let lie there
Festering
With all the wounds I won't let scab over
Because I like the taste of blood
Pouring over my teeth
It reminds me of all the time
I've shared with myself
Stewing, pondering, contemplating
Rearranging drawn out conversations
And piecing them back together
Like a Picasso painting
My eyes are stuck looking inward
My nose just fell off
And my ears have grown to unimaginable proportions
Taking in each passing glance
And awkward silence
Like satellite dishes in space
Hovering round a careless body
That grows more ripe
With each passing day
Thank goodness my nostrils disappeared
Or else I might have to actually admit
That this situation
Is far from odorless
And my lips would realize
They're just useless pieces of flesh
And would find themselves utterly perturbed
At the complete lack of attention
I've allowed them to draw
To a not insignificant number of situations

Deciphering Maps Manufactured by Mice

Scampering about like rats in a maze
Colorful bells and whistles light the aisle
In rainbow waves of overindulgence
While parental figures struggle in too small seats
Smiling, oblivious to the part they're playing
Materialism breathes heavy on my neck
Dripping warm beads of irony
Down my nape
And I bite my tongue to keep from screaming
At all those who won't hear me anyway
Ears clogged with gold tokens and tv screens
The head cheese does a dance by the door
Throwing paper tickets like bills from an overturned Brink van
And children scatter and scream, scrambling for scraps
Just like their adult counterparts
And people still wonder why we are who we are
Sandwiched between soiled sheets of plastic
Someone's lost their way
And sits frightened high above the crowd
Who rejoices in boisterous laughter at his misfortune
Tears stream down his face like rain over asphalt
Broken, bumpy and disconnected
Snide remarks from the peanut gallery
Offer no comfort to those faces plastered against clear walls
Peering out like goldfish in a round bowl
Their perception of the world, forever altered
Slowly tweaked into something fashionable
Until they can finally swallow
What we've been grooming them for
When they leave their overpriced houses
To drive in their oversized cars
In fancy clothes and forced smiles
To the race no one is winning
Spinning round and round like a gerbil in a cage
Until it dies from the utter exhaustion
Of having to pretend it ever had a choice anyway

Studying the Inside a Neapolitan Ice Cream Cone

Drowning in a sea of false diversity
Pictures plastered to overtly differentiated walls
Thick with false smiles and lackluster eyes
That scream out an unbearable irony
I can feel in my bones
Time flies when you're nonconforming
For just your own comfort
Peace of mind
Without all the pieces
Threads of my sanity
Waving in the wind behind me
Wispy remnants of nonexistent secrets
I keep locked in my head
Barred from showing their teeth
In the physical world
Because I enjoy the ephemeral
Aesthetically pleasing potions
Of self-concocted proportions
Juxtaposed on varied fields
Of overindulgence
And I'm stuck staring at statuesque faces
Fixed in satanic stares
In between bites of grapefruit
As sour on my tongue
As the words I keep repeating
Each time the phone rings
And I find myself offended
At this utter lack of clarity
In such a colorful room
Full of white faces

A First Encounter

Could you please scowl a little harder?
I can smell that pungent odor of depression
And I can feel it in the air
But I can't quite taste it yet
Could you please shove it down my throat a little more
Your caveman grunts grate my nerves
Like giant fingernails on a chalkboard
And your cold eyes slice through my smile
Like a samurai sword across a swollen neck
And I just want to slap that smug look off of your face
Before it bores itself into my brain
I know you're depressed, but dammit
Can't you just be happy to be alive?
Look around you, fool!
See the heartache sleeping under the streetlights
And the hunger gnawing at your neighbor's wits
I know you haven't missed a meal in a while
And wrap yourself in warm blankets each night
Under your solid rooftop, free of debris
Take a deep breath, enjoy it
Relax! It will be all right
Don't bring me down from my euphoria
I like living in the clouds
So don't you dare take it away from me

The Inevitability of Overthinking Every Situation

My knees shivered in the cool breeze
Under the dirty white tent
In the back alley
Secluded from the rest of the world
Because even in a place of acceptance
We must hide away
And my new found honesty with myself
Was doing back flips
To an existential beat
The written words of two vain souls
Staring into each others eyes
Glued together like those plastic lips
Of the shoes that wouldn't shut up
And screamed with each step
Threatening to throw it all off balance
It's just so typical
That all these tiny plastic pieces
Will fall apart at the most inconvenient times
Like the threads of a memory
That I can't seem to tie all together
To hold it all in place
And I feel it threatening to burst
Like an ancient dam
Overflowing with all the pent up frustrations
Of a cyclical depression
That rounds back each time
I step off in a new direction
But this time I won't let myself get complacent
I'll keep my gut reactions in check
Since they're all just repetitions anyway
As if I'm trying to say,
And perhaps I really am,
Just reach out and grab me,
Throw me to the floor
And stomp this heart in my chest
So I'll know it can feel something
Before I turn back a page
To ruminate on past transgressions
And lose the hope
That I can still get hurt