Saturday, February 5, 2011

Conflicted is Just a Word

Are you ready to really know me?
To understand how deep my paranoia goes
and realize just how far I let my mind get away from me....
Will you be there to coax me through my insecurities
and to take my hand when I feel ignored
by the world at large?
Can I count on you to be the shoulder
where I can always bury my head
whenever the facade slips
And it all comes tumbling down
like a shelf that reached its prescribed weight limit?

I just want to rest on that freckle
where I can relax under your watchful eye

Will you help me through all of the times
when i overanalyze to the point
of wanting to shred my own skin
and just reappear as something no one will recognize?

I tried once but it didn't go so well
and i still feel just as fucked up as I did before
if not a little more crazy
sometimes to the point even, of ridonkulousness
are there a set of magic words i am supposed to utter
to give myself the strength to break free from these chains
I wrapped so tightly around my chest
or am i just to surrender to a feeling,
a growing agglomeration in my heart?

as if most of my problems weren't big enough
this one expands before my eyes
until its as if there is nothing else
and perhaps this is whats supposed to be
but the utter lack of clarity i find frightening
in a strangely serene and optimistic way
and if i weren't experiencing these emotions simultaneously
i'd think i was bipolar

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