Friday, December 17, 2010


Chosen by self
Transmitted in any medium you want
Cam whores galore
Popping up all over the bottom of the screen
"I just broke up with my boyfriend"
Impersonal personalized ads
Can't quite seem to hit the mark, yet
But who needs propaganda
When I can find the open source code
To accomplish anything I want
Anywhere across the internet
"Are you real?"
Does it really matter
Did I click on the link
And fly from page to page
By my own authority
Or was I guided by a careful shepherd
Who hides between the lines
That blink too quickly for my mind to register
The local news fell off the radar
And all the pedophiles with it
Because everyone is a sexual deviant on the net
There's just no such thing
As too much information anymore
Anything can be known
If you know just what you are looking for
But it's all so distracting
Even the radio flashes like a slot machine
But I'm no gambler
And I might spend a dollar a month
To be comfortable
But why bother
When I know that I can always find it somewhere else
The only things missing are the commercials
Nobody and/or everybody all at the same time
Join the resistance
Sell your body
Be your art

All on a pop-out screen
For all the world to see
Channel surfing new age waves
Connecting communities to global catastrophes
And the war has already begun
Sides aren't chosen, they're purchased
In corporate gift bags
Offered at three times regular price
Because no one actually pays for music anymore
And its all got to continue somehow
So lie down, sit there, rise up, pack up, head for the mountains
Stay put, run around, gather up the family
Its all converging in hyperspace
The future is held in the hands of virtual reality
Symbiosis on the nano-scale
Built from the molecule up
Fabricated DNA in petri dishes
Breeding with itself
Humanity can't seem to help being incestuous
We strive for diligence of the reasonable
But left our morals in the dust
Trampled beneath a trail of tears
That pollute the oceans in salty waves of miscommunication
Whales beach themselves in protest
And we interpret it as a show of submission
To the greatest creature
Known as Man
We'll save forests on facebook
Because enough money thrown at a problem
Will solve just about anything
Dive into the system
Grab hold the nearest wireless signal
And sum yourself up in a screen name
So that you can take part
In the upcoming technological revolution
That will bring about the evolution
Of the human persuasion
And will define the new limits
Of our self constructed prisons
Until it all blends in so well
That you can no longer tell the difference
Between natural and artificial intelligence

I am Procrastination Personified

Picking up useless pieces of paper
And throwing them down the hallway
Because I feel like giving myself a reason
To do something, anything else
Instead of taking pen to paper
Or at least sitting in front of the computer screen
Rambling and ranting to pass the time
But when it comes time to pack
And prepare myself for an interstate relocation
My fingers find a familiar place on the keyboard
And just won't let go
I'm held in place by an invisible string
That ties me to all the work
I'd rather be doing anyway
I will always turn
To that which I find more comfortable
In any given moment
Because I lack the ability
To make concrete decisions
And its not even something I would change
If I had any real power over it
My day is sculpted by the whims of a situation
And I find my place in eternity
In the sureness of the steady beat
Of the clock nailed to the wall
And it has nothing to do with numbers
The constellations may have mathematical proportions
But they are of no use to me
Because my desired outcome
Is not measured in steps around the globe
And cannot be quantified
To show how good or bad I had it
Time just keeps moving on regardless
And this brief mortal foray
Is but a short delay
From our reunification with the stars
In some other galaxy
Where we will probably forget
That this ever was
And stumble around blindly
Letting the desert winds shape our destiny
As we cry to the sky
To let the heavens flood down upon us
So that what to do is no longer an issue
Because the only choice you have
Is to swim

Stalking Myself With a Backpack

The cash-strapped backpack
Sprawled across my shoulders
Holds just enough to keep me going
The world lies not in the palm
But in the brain
And I'm using mine to craft a reality
Based in the illusory
He, she, we, they, it
Is, isn't, will, wouldn't
Couldn't, shouldn't, shall
Just words strung up on a pole
Waving like a flag
Symbolizing all the things we no longer see
And I keep seeking out
New labels to rebel against
I will not be reduced to a single word or phrase
I am more than my vocabulary
But I can't stop building it
And relying on all those convenient clauses
To capture the souls of all those around me
I roam backstage in search of answers
To what I cannot understand
And come up empty handed
Because all I've really been doing
Is scratching out a niche
In which to place myself
Damn those labels that comfort me
In times of confusion
Agnostic anarcho-socialist hippie
Introverted nerdy Nintendo playing
Book reading vegetarian gay man
With Buddhist leanings
I'll find my people when I find myself
As if that's the easy part
As if I don't lose my tongue in social situations
As if I am somehow comfortable with sexual tension
As if I know enough to know when to lay down my cards
Or when to up the ante
I have parkour dreams on dimly lit stages
Where everyone is just a little bit serious
And snap when I shut my mouth
Because applause tears at my eardrums like a feral cat
Too many compliments and I'm sure
The sidewalk ill be stained in the blood
Of my mind dripping from my head
Because no matter how far you run
You can never outrun yourself
And so I gave up the race
And now I just walk around looking for myself
And I find it everywhere
And I've gotten close enough a time or two
To reach out and grab it
But I'm just so good at avoiding myself
So it all falls back to the wayside
And I tighten the straps on my backpack
Stuff it with something I deem important
And set off again
No longer convinced of the surety of sunrise
I'll travel to see her fall off the edge of the world
And disappear beyond the ocean
I'd swim to the sun and wrap my arms around her
If the moon wasn't so jealous
And would set me free from her gravitational vices
But I'm an earthly bound inhabitant
Of someone else's dream
At least until I relocate those lost plans
Detailing the way back
To the beginning

Cherry Sparked Dreams

Smoke filled rooms seem to be scattered across my past
Lodging themselves into every couch cushion
And tangible representation of self
I drink it in like some great elixir
A personal fight against information

With one hand the world offers comfort
With the other an empty place to dwell
In nothingness
And I snatch at the invisible
Because I'm convinced
There's something waiting there
Behind the smoke screen

And I'm forced to move to
Self imposed sessions of sanity
Because the ground beneath me
Moves faster than I do
And I've been caught up more than once
Knocking myself down
Foot meets calf, face meets floor

But I find it comforting
That the cool ground beneath me
No matter how fast it may be spinning
Is there to catch me when I fall
Over and over again
And it pauses long enough for me to stand
Before stumbling off
On the next great adventure
With my unsteady mortal legs

The sky is crowded with chemicals
That rain down on my head
Conspicuously enough
And coat my body with another worry
Invisible films of authority
Spread across my character
With surgical surety
Filling in all the cracks
Until I'm trapped in an invisible world
Of obsession
Running from all the same monsters
But lacking all the up to date information
Because its like living in a zip-lock bag
And the outside world is just a smear
On thick plastic walls
Closing in around me with each passing breath
Good thing I brought a lighter
To burn my way out of here

Be prepared, Grandpa always said
And so I shall be
By constantly casting myself against myself
In a never ending crash course in evolution
Adaptation is life
Adversity breeds chaos
And that's where I want to be
In the middle of insanity
That bounces off the walls literally
And where the shadow of an individual
Grows with his heart
I want to dine on ideas
And drink to a revolution of the mind
And spill my guts all over the floor
And make such a mess there's no point in cleaning up

Then I recall an apparent defect
A misfiring synapse
The connection from thought to action
Mind to body
Is broken
The pathway might as well be nonexistent
And two lost halves stumble around in the dark
Like Alzheimer's patients
Trying to remember what it was they were walking towards
The cruel disconnect
Of an almost situation

Until repetition becomes comforting
Blanketing you in the warm glow of solitude
There's no such thing as someone who talks back
To someone who offers no words
And no such thing as a broken heart
If it was never given away
Because no one can steal
What I keep clutched in my chest

And the world moves on
Oblivious to my discontent
My surety, my conviction
That the world is my enemy!
My imaginary audience sits in the corner of every room
Taunting me with their black eyes of judgment
The watchers of this narrative
I call my life
Like its all a story
Because my perception
Is that this is all an illusion
That real is pretend, that pretend is real

Dizzying digital algorithms smash through firewalls
In search of things I wouldn't even think to tell people
And find their treasure in the unguarded files
That litter the computer screen
Like a minefield of backwards booby traps
All blowing up in your face
And I'm supposed to trust these people?

My paranoia resides on the pages that will give me away
Sitting there in open space
Like a deer ignorant of his impending doom
Calmly basking in the warm sunshine
Then it's hunting season
And its all snatched away in the blink of an eye
The path to infinity is just a trigger pull away
And while a bullet to the forehead might not be my chosen way to go
What would it matter,
Wouldn't I be dead anyway?
Or living somewhere out there among the stars
Thrown back into the dust
From whence we all came
Battling our way down to the earth
Like some cosmic game
Conquering frozen tundra and volcanic ash
We rose from the depths of the ocean
To crawl upon the land
And made it all the way back to the moon
But the grass is always greener on the other side

So insignificant we need a significant implication
Of all that we cannot control
In death lies truth
Because knowledge is power
And we all just want to breed with the universe
Create something new where nothing was before
Erect a monument to show our praise
Of all the shiny things we own
Reflecting all the dreams
Out of reach
Hidden in the stars
We followed them across the globe
Rounded back
To find a lot of the same
Still walking the streets

Disgust breeds its own special sickness
That lies in the bowels
Waiting until a completely inappropriate time
To make its presence known
Vomiting forth more tidbits than you knew you could handle
Smearing them across the walls
Until the whole place stinks of bile
And the whole room ran from the moon
Like a werewolf had been created
In the dank depths of unfortunate circumstances
Bit by bit it was pieced back together
Into loose versions of reality
Not strong enough to stand up
For their own existence
That came crashing down around them
Littering the landscape
With mocking shards of glass

Tripped up all over again
Fumbling for my keys
On a cool, dark patio
Overlooking the construction of a parking lot
Bulldozers ate the scenery in violent lurches
Belching forth plumes of cancer filled smoke
As if to intimidate all the other trees into submission
Sounds of ecstasy pounded through the walls
Initiating a less than desirable sequence of events
And I skipped from coffee shop to living room
Sprawled out on top of scratchy tan fabric
With a paintbrush in hand
And eating dinner on a dark patio
With only cigarettes to light our faces
It made for a good star gazing atmosphere

And then digital became influential
The march to freedom is based in free
And we chipped in and bought out
Pled it out and fled
Marched from Pittsburgh to Arab
And found a quiet spot on the mountain top
I sat down, you stood up
And here we are again
In smoke filled rooms
Contemplating the next move
And ripping the atlas in two

Dharma bums for life
We'll reunite
On sandy beaches
Somewhere out West
And stroll through the city
In search of something more in step
With an overreaching philosophy
That permeates every thought
Regardless of its place on the list
I'm gathering my seven propositions
And setting up a payment plan
To renew my faith
In humanity
So that I can traverse over the desert
And find myself again surrounded
By all those that find comfort
In smoke filled rooms

Friday, December 10, 2010

Nurturing Natural Nomenclature

I spell Me, A-T-C-G
And have ever since high school
When I wrote a paper
On the exciting field of genome research
Before someone could actually spell themselves out
In a pattern of letters
Stretched across a computer screen
For all the world to see
I blame Watson for not having a better name
Because when I hear DNA
I only think of Francis Crick and LSD
And I want to get out my tweezers
And pull apart the pieces
The building blocks of the individual
So that I might understand the whole
In some new way
And come to realize that nothing ever was
Anything more than it was intended to be
By circumstances beyond my control
That drowned me in prenatal hormones
And postnatal shows of authority
That kept me busy ignoring the possibility
That there ever was anything more to me
Than just some arbitrary situation
Where a strand of letters
Lacked the strength to take a stand
Against more subtle forms of encouragement
In disappointed glances
From an all too familiar face
Of exhaustion
From a few too many beers
And a handful of too much time
To sit around and think
About a blue baby boy
Who never seemed to fully recover
From a brief journey to the other side
And has trouble reminding himself
Of the all important U
In his life
Despite repeated attempts
At reminding him of the importance
Of the past on the present
And of all the footsteps he'll follow
On the way to the grave
Simply because
He is called by your name

Why I Dance Alone

I thrive on the utterly inappropriate
And putting myself in compromising situations
Because in chaos I find comfort
It's as electrifying as Ben Franklin
On a warm, stormy night
And as cool as Washington
On the Delaware
But as haphazard as anarchists
On the streets of Pittsburgh
Not really sure of what direction they're heading
And I follow suit without a thought
Because I'm just happy to be
Whatever I'm needed to be
At any specific point in time
Content with just riding a wave
Seeking out some simple harmonic motion

To keep my head above water
I've learned to float on the soles of my feet
And remain largely submerged
To keep from exposing too much flesh
To the solar flares and cosmic radiation
Spat out at me from across the galaxy
And it allows me to operate
Beneath the surface
Long enough to disturb the natural wildlife
And set them all off course
I look to the stars above me
For some clue as to the exact location
Of a road less traveled
And realize I'm still treading water
Still miles from dry land
So I smile

Because the island I'm looking for
May not even exist
And I am an extremely poor
Celestial navigator
Who can't seem to draw his eyes
From Orion's Belt
As if I'm expecting some bright light to appear
As he hikes up his skirt
To flash a few neighboring constellations
With an image I'll never see in real time
Because being here now
Is just like being stuck in the past
This I am reminded of daily
In all the dead and dying stars
I ignore in the night sky
As I try to sneak another peek
At The Hunter

I consider asking him for the lost plans
To the Tower of Babel
I'm sure he still hides beneath his robes
So that I might communicate more efficiently
With my fellow earthly creatures
And we can consider future endeavors
United in a common struggle
Against a spiteful god that scattered us across the land
For fear that we might realize something minuscule
In a universe too big to fathom
Too old to comprehend
And too young to care
About whether we're fantastic or fatalistic
Triumphant or lackluster
Dead or alive
Because she's just interested in dancing with herself
Until the very end of time

Sunday, December 5, 2010


I don't know whether to refer to myself
As a boy or a man
I seem to be too old to be the former,
Too carefree for the latter
So I'll just settle on guy
But what kind of guy?
This kind, the one standing before you
With all his imperfections
And misgivings
But in my Ecotopia
There's no such thing as gender
Whether he, she, or he-she
Makes no difference
Even Fight Club had a man with tits
At the height of its masculinity
And it never stopped them
From reaching their goal
But I shirk from responsibility
Like shadows from the sun
Determined not to be seen
In the wrong light
Opting instead to be as clear as crystal
Though I'm not sure what that means
Since all that I see is covered in cracks and crevices
That spit out light in a million trajectories
That dance brightly on kitchen walls
Like all the opportunities for Being
Each second a lifetime, each second a new beginning
But I only wade in shallow waters
Deathly afraid of all those sharks
That bask just beyond the sand bar
Even though I remind myself daily
Of the unlikelihood of an unfortunate occurrence
With statistics and figures
That swirl around my head in a vortex
And slip over the event horizon
Forever lost from recollection
But I know that they come out the other end
Substantiated in a different form
But made of all the same matter
I just have trouble discerning
What's beneath the surface
And remembering
Never to trust my own eyes
For my perception is but one
In a world of many
And my thoughts are but some
In a sea of plenty
So I've become a literary thief, a pirate
Who plunders like a lexicographer
Starving for new material
Careful to avoid collision on the open sea
But trading away words on land freely
Despite the legal statutes
That attempt to further divide
He from she, me from we
Maybe I just need to be recalibrated
Reprogrammed, reset
Back to the beginning
So that I can remember
What I don't know I've forgotten
And reclassify my person
In air quotes
So that you can just call me

In Spite of it All, I Can't Stop Reading Into Things

I just want to be On the Road,
Kerouac style
But its not the modern day
We live in a post- everything
And Hollywood simultaneously offered
The roadmap and deterrent
Does anyone pick up hitchhikers anymore?
"Hell no!" seems to be the resounding response
"Haven't you ever watched a horror movie?"
But I don't like all the blood and gore
And my mind rests in Alaska,
Into the Wild
With broken down dreams
Scattered along a dusty highway
Remnants of all the accidents
No one can avoid
"My friend was murdered by a hitcher"
So now sunset brings a whole new host of problems
And you can snake your way along
Following the bleak, black trail ahead
Or find yourself a spot
Under the pine trees
Set up camp and try to remember
What's so great about humanity
It's not so long ago
That the multitudes crossed over the Mississippi
And headed West in covered wagons
The promise of a new land
Is enticing
But I just want to see the beaches
And meet a few of The Dharma Bums
Without having to surrender myself
To radiation in public places
For the sake of a feeling
That I do not share
Wishful thinking, perhaps
But I know it's possible
Because I've been picked up before
And I certainly have no problems
With someone else
Hitching a ride
I just seem to have temporarily
Misplaced my testicles

Waging War Within

My plans come in the form of an argument
With myself
No, you can't
Yes, you can
No, you can't
Yes, you can
No.. Okay, fine
And so it begins anew
Goading myself into action
Research, research, ruminate
Ponder possibilities
And then ignore them altogether
Because I've known the answer all along
I just had to fight myself about it
To pretend I had a choice in the matter
When life hands me lemons
I make excuses
Because I don't like lemonade
There's just too much
Like an overly used smile
That never reaches the eyes
I know when you're lying
I can see it in your forehead
But I'll continue debating with myself
Over self indulgent thoughts
That pound around my head
Like a jackhammer
On a hot sidewalk
Sending smoke and debris flying
In all directions
And they'll continue to catch my attention
I can't help it
Humanity is just obsessed with shiny things
And I am no different
But eventually I'll remember
That I wasn't digging for gold
Just a solid piece of rock
Etched with all the memories
Of those who came before me
And I'll quit thinking about leaping
And just do it

Safe in Solitude

Stationary, sedentary, so called sanity
This home is but an accumulation
Of myself, spread thin and throughout
The overproduction of the arbitrary
There's no such thing as out of sight, out of mind
In a house with no dark spaces
And no secret hiding places
My feelings are plastered to the wall
Like the sheet music tacked to the closet door
That I pretend not to see each time I get dressed
Donning the necessary articles
To hide my naked skin
From the cold wind outside
And the freezing temperatures within
My heart has been chipped at like an ice sculpture
Until it was finally molded into something beautiful
But its melting within my chest
Filling my lungs with water
And I feel like I'm drowning
In emotion
Wave after wave of repressed memories
That I surf through with the skill
Of a psychologist
Who received a Ph. D. online
Taking notes from open source programs
That change each time I refresh the page
Filling me with uncertainty
And so I dream on paper
Throwing my thoughts into a melting pot
Melding them together
And sculpting them into something I don't recognize
Like the man that stares back at me
When I look in the mirror
I don't trace the contours of my face
Because it's all in the eyes
The doorway to my soul
That lies somewhere in my head
Hiding between the folds
Accessible, but indescribable
I just can't seem to make out the edges
In each dimly lit hallway I travel
In a home with so many things
The lack of AA batteries is disheartening
And so I beat the flashlight against my palm
Determined to knock it into submission
To shed some light on my situation
And understand why I can't just walk
Out the door
And stick my thumb out
Signifying my need to get away
From myself
And the thought processes that keep me trapped
In a singular motion, back and forth like a pendulum
I'm both content and restless
Courageous and scared
Loving and hateful
The dual nature of everything
Keeps me open minded
And ready for at least the possibility
Of something new and exciting
In theory at least
But these four walls are my security blanket
And I just can't seem to let go
And surrender myself
To the world outside

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Only Secrets Are Communal

You are nothing but a disgrace
A scourge on your fellow travelers
An abominable representation of the human race
How dare you not succumb to societal pressures
As you push through the automatic doors
To take your place on the train
Threatening to circumvent the wars
Driving us all insane
A metallic voice chides your tardiness
With calm execution and marked distaste
As your cohorts look on in malice
At a disheveled pile of human waste
That dares to disrupt a system
Of ingenious ingenuity
That gave birth to the freedom
To experience their own reality
In the form of well written speeches
Screamed down from a pulpit
To constantly remind of all the forces
That only seek to look and covet
How dare you hold us up
On our way to be scanned
Where we won't so much as gossip
About the TSA agent caught
With his cock in hand

And the Aqueducts Crumble Beneath Our Feet

It's not about up becoming down
Or black becoming brown
It's about you not understanding
That there is simply too much money
Floating around
To be left to idle chance
Humanity becomes nothing more
Than a child times 6 billion
Who must be looked over at all times
To prevent such heinous occurrences
As a financial meltdown
War is profitable, peace is not
And we have the efficiency report
To prove it
You life may be worth less
Than a mansion on the beach
But at least you can walk down the street
Without the threat of violence
Cameras are for your security
And your well being
We need to see you naked
Before you board that plane
In case you are smuggling metal
Through your urethra
But don't you dare show your ass to a cop
When he pulls you over on a whim
And demands you have no right
To complain
Go ahead, file your paperwork
Wade through the bureaucracy
And just see how far you get
Our rulers move mountains
With the stroke of a pen
And can make whole cities
Just disappear
But go ahead and try
Walking down the street
Without the proper identification
Insider trading is a wealthy man's game
Where millions are shuffled back and forth
Threatening entire economies
But how dare you sell cupcakes
Without filling out a tax form
Every penny must be found
To support 737 bases and counting
And the multitudes around the world
Running around pretending
They're not playing out
Some outdated idea
Of imperialism

Pretending There's No Such Thing as Pretending

The master illusionist takes the stage
Bringing along all the tools of the trade
And sets to dismantling the atmosphere
Plucking whole heartstrings in thin air
And showering the stage in colorful allusions
That birth optical illusions no one can resist
Shadows in the background go unnoticed
And they crawl beneath the stage like cockroaches
Ready to appear at the flick of a switch
The plot thickens when an audience member is called
To be an unwitting participant in his own demise
As mind is separated from body in a mastery of mirrors
That hide inner thoughts from even those
Tracing the image staring back at them with cautious glances
Like fingers on a phantom limb
The audience breathes together in anticipatory ecstasy
Like one giant mass of perplexity
Teetering on the edges of stained red seats
That can barely contain their weight
And creak under the heavy load
Constantly threatening to snap but never taking action
And two halves of a whole roll to opposite sides of the stage
Cast off and forgotten without interruption
It all looks like quantum mechanics
With parts here and there and everywhere
Seen and unseen, dead and alive
Except for the rabbit just tossed aside
Pulled from the hat already in a state of rigor mortis
Asphyxiated on bolts of silk
And stiff with too much love in too little space
But the show must go on, above all else
A six foot coffin filled with water
Is wheeled into the light
And in climbs another volunteer without proper instruction
The audience gasps as he struggles to breathe
In his see-through prison, unable to cast off his chains
The curtain falls just in time to cover the final scene
And his body is flushed out to sea
Like an unwanted fetus
Before it had the chance to beg for death
At the end of a .38 Smith and Wesson
Ratings go through the roof
As human misery is clouded over
In gentle words of encouragement
That flood over the masses
In euphoric waves of dread
Reminding them to be thankful for the lives they lead
In a time of such chaos and pandemonium
Mortality is dangled on a silver string before them
And the world's greatest magicians
Levitate above the crowd at 45° angles
With arms spread crucifixion-style
To remind them of their true saviors
That lurk through the aisles in search of the next victim
To fall prey to his own deceitful eyes