All Smiles and Sadness

Memories are hazy
Like a drunken stupor
And all I can see are deer
Strung up against a tree
Bleeding into a bucket
Or an accidental abortion
That sat in a handmade concoction
Until it shattered against a hardwood floor
And belched forth years of repressed aromas
That crowded the room for weeks
Summer time signified
An overdue trip to the woods
Where free-reigning bike rides
To lake fronts and riversides
Always ended up thrown off course
From rusty chains that popped out of place
Suddenly, like a jack in the box
So we reached into cloth bags
For just a taste
And coaxed the too loving deer
Nearer and nearer
And I wonder if they could smell you salivating
At what lie beneath their short fur
Maybe that's why they ran when it got dark
Or perhaps they caught a scent
Of something stronger
And felt as sick to their stomach as I did
When we were told to quit watching that nigger show
Two out of five ain't bad
But it's certainly not ideal
And I have a funny feeling
That the precedent was set
Long before I was born
And even my attempts at being helpful
In long garden rows on warm sunny days
Were met with contempt
And I got whipped
For not knowing any better
If I hadn't been so interested in education
Who knows what I might have found
Buried beneath my mattress
Alas, the stock market tumbled
And like a bad gambler
You had to reach into your purse
To find just enough to seem respectable
But that was lost long ago
In car rides past the house
Where three of five sat wondering
What commanded you beyond our driveway
Jealousy left a mark
Burned into our young hearts
That still smolders within our chests
But gave us the strength
To build up mile high walls around our emotions
And keep them trapped
For fear that we might in some way
Disappoint such disappointing grandparents